Top of the world

Those who know me well may know that I was obsessed with Karen Carpenter as a kid. I would play our Carpenters records over and over and would try my best to sing like Karen (Karen remains one of my favorites of all time). I can't help but admit that I have her rather cheesy but loved, "Top of the World" song in my head today.


To rewind my week a bit, the PICC line came out of my arm a little sooner than planned as I started having some problems last Thursday and it was pulled due to concern of an infection (lovely). I was nervous about being taken off of the TPC and my medication so "cold turkey," but had been doing so much better last week that I thought I'd be able to handle it without ending back up in the hospital to have a new line put in. Friday was pretty rough (vomiting, etc.), but I woke on Saturday morning to a miracle: I felt good! It was strange to actually have a desire to get out of bed and venture out of my bedroom. The timing couldn't have been better as Rob and I had tickets to Coldplay for Saturday night. We had purchased these tickets last summer (a not normal splurge for us) and were planning to go to the concert together to celebrate Rob's birthday. Obviously as the date of the concert was approaching and my health was still not great I was planning to have to miss it, but was thrilled to actually feel good enough to go. Luckily I had an isle seat and was able to see the stage just fine while I was sitting down even with everyone else standing up. The show was so awesome and it was just wonderful to go out to dinner and to a concert with Rob and feel like a wife/normal person for the first time in a long long time.


Yesterday I went to church for the first time since September and today I was actually showered with my hair done and scrubbing the kitchen sink by 8:30am. I have done normal mom things like cut the kids fingernails and toenails (way overdue) and have basically enjoyed just being around my kids and feeling like myself (with the addition of a big tummy that just all of a sudden popped out this week).

I feel especially grateful this week (ironic that it is Thanksgiving week) for the big and little blessings that seem to have new meaning to me. I feel so happy and blessed today and just want to express my appreciation and my gratitude for life, health, love, family and friends.

Month in review

Does anyone even check this blog anymore? I finally forced myself to leave my bedroom today and so I thought I'd give a very brief update of the past month, picking up from when I last wrote...

I survived Rob's 10-day trip to Costa Rica thanks to my parents. What a blessing to have my mother taking care of me (as well as the kids) as she handled some pretty messy situations better than anyone else could have. While Rob was away, I ended up in the ER due to a hemorrhage. An ultrasound showed that the baby was doing fine so we are very thankful that we did not lose the baby as we thought may happen. I stayed in the hospital for a few days because of the bleeding and the continued hyperemesis (extreme vomiting).

Until last week, I was on a constant IV drip, but because I have lost over 10% of my body weight (I'm now feeling grateful I had that extra 10 pounds that I usually lose before getting pregnant again) they have put me on TPN which is a bag of fluid that has protein, calories, vitamins, etc. My body didn't handle this too well at first, but I've had a couple of "better" days this week and so I'm hoping to be turning the corner and finally on the rebound! My goal is to be "functioning normally" in the next couple of weeks (by 18 weeks).

Words can't express how grateful I am for the help with my children, meals brought in, notes sent, calls received, and for the prayers said on our behalf. Rob and I both feel overwhelmed at the service rendered to our family and we thank and love you.

Beyond saltine crackers

I thought I'd take a minute or two to give a little update on my life lately. I haven't gotten on a computer for over two weeks and it has been strange and kind of lonely. I'm writing this from my bed on Rob's laptop. Be warned that this post is fairly personal and certainly not what I would normally choose to post about. Also, please believe that I don't write this to request any sympathy, help, or anything like that...I just sort of feel like I have dropped off the face of the earth and know that some of you would like to know what has been going on here. So here goes:


Well, I have not been able to keep any food down for about 13 days now--including fluids. After going in to get IV fluids last Thursday, Friday and again on Monday, they decided to put a PICC line in my arm (a catheter that goes from my arm into the vein just above my heart). I was really nervous about this procedure and tried to avoid it as long as possible, but was assured that it was safer than getting stuck repeatedly for IVs. I got the PICC line done at the hospital last Thursday and a nurse came to my home that evening to teach me how to give myself medication and IVs directly through this line, enabling me to treat myself at home on a daily basis. Obviously the IV fluids are helping to keep me hydrated, although I am still struggling to keep anything down (sips of Gatorade, ice chips, Popsicles, etc.) . I have lost the desire to eat and the thought of food is pretty disgusting in general (even ice cream, can you believe it?) My body is exhausted and my neck, throat, stomach, etc. are so sore from vomiting regularly. I'm starting to find a little blood in my vomit which I'm told is normal given the circumstances...but hopefully things will improve sooner than later.


I am very grateful that this trial, although certainly the greatest physical challenge of my life, is only temporary (obviously others I know of are dealing with much greater challenges and my heart goes out to them). This situation has also been very challenging for me emotionally because I am not able to care for my other children (I miss them so much!) and this is the worst feeling as a mother! I have really had to rely on the mercy of my husband, parents, friends, and neighbors for help with just about everything right now. I am so blessed to have such an incredible support system and really have so much to be thankful for (and I do think of these blessings when I'm not thinking about how I feel like I am dying, ha ha!).


To add to my stress (and mental drama), my husband who never really has to travel for work is flying to Costa Rica tonight and will be there until the 31st. This trip has been freaking me out from the second I learned about it. I'm not the most independent person to begin with and I feel like I need Rob now more than ever... Gratefully, my mother (a Saint) is willing to come and stay here and take care of my children, my house, and me while Rob is away. Thanks in advance, Mom! As my mom said to me earlier this week, we all need help at one point or another and I will have a lifetime ahead of me of serving others and trying to repay all of the help that I have received (if that's possible). I obviously have no idea of what to expect in the coming weeks, but I'm hoping for the best and trying to stay positive. Thanks for reading.

My Hewitt is four today!

We love you, Hewie-doo!
Happy Birthday!

And now you know (if you didn't already)

So I had another hilarious and completely unrealistic celebrity dream last night (no, not the Jonas Brothers). This time it was a "Miss" Janet Jackson on the phone asking me to be in one of her new music videos--to be filmed at a beach location, specifically.
I was very flattered by the call, and really wanted to be in the video, but felt that I needed to confess to Miss Jackson, "I don't think I'd feel comfortable wearing a swimsuit on camera...I'm pregnant you see, and I swear that I'm already showing!" She was very understanding and assured me that I wouldn't be asked to wear anything that I wasn't comfortable with.

Morning dawns. I am laughing about my dream (and again the self-flattery). Then the wave of nausea hits as well as the truth: I will never be in a music video, and I am indeed pregnant.

So the cat's out of the bag. Baby Pete (#4) will join our family this spring.

There are several feelings associated with this pregnancy. First, of course we are happy and obviously I'm thinking pink. Admittedly, there is a little guilt over the fact that so many of my friends (and many of my favorite people in general) are struggling to conceive and it breaks my heart. There are also the normal emotions of feeling overwhelmed, overjoyed, and...plain old sick and tired (literally).

My pregnancies have all gone very much the same: Nausea, lots of vomiting, IVs at the ER to get hydrated, weeks spent in bed or on the couch at the mercy of my poor husband and friends and family that have been so kind as to bring me meals, clean my floors, take my kids for a few hours, etc. etc. Midway through each pregnancy, I've started feeling a bit more "normal" although I continue taking nausea medication during the entire duration of the pregnancy and have continued to vomit even days AFTER each baby is born. Now, I write by way of history. I know that many women have it WAY worse, and I truly do feel blessed to be able to have healthy babies.

Because my current sense of smell is magnetized by about 100% , it makes tasks such as changing diapers, sorting and changing laundry, opening the refrigerator, cooking, and doing dirty dishes very challenging. Well, yesterday as I lounged on my couch looking at my messy, stinky kitchen, I had an epiphany! I went upstairs and found the nose plug that has been sitting in a jewelry box for the past eight years (I bought this to do a spoof on synchronized swimming for a work thing during the Sydney Olympics).
(Sorry, no photo of me actually wearing the nose plug. Rest assured, it's a lovely image.)

So, I kept the little nose plug in my pocket all day, and pulled it out to use during all of the difficult and stinky moments of my day. I am happy to report that things went much better than usual! Yes, I think I've just found my new best friend.

As is

Another blog post idea brought to you by my favorite kind of anchovy (janeannechovy): Take a picture of yourself right now. Don’t change your clothes. Don’t fix your hair. Just take a picture. Post that picture with no editing. (Except maybe to get the image size down to something reasonable. Don’t go posting an eight megapixel image.) Include these instructions.

So here I am. Wet hair, no makeup (or even lotion yet for that matter), wearing a hand-me-down sweatshirt, a semi-forced smile, and eating vanilla ice cream before noon...

Another day, another urgent care visit

My parents were kind enough to watch my younger boys today so I could go to the doctor. I was gone for about an hour and a half (lots of waiting - always a party). When I returned to their home, I was quickly informed that while my Dad and Hewitt were out for a walk, Hewitt tripped on the sidewalk and split his chin open. Umm, deja vu? (For those of who may not read my blog regularly, Tosh fell and split his chin open in July).

I asked my mom if any of her neighbors were nurses, and we quickly found a kind grandmotherly RN who gave us a second opinion: "Yes. Needs stitches."

I should mention that my brother Mark was also at my parents' house when I arrived. He is in town on business and was stopping by for a short visit so we all could have lunch together. So, with Rob 30 min. away, I dragged my poor brother along for the thrilling adventure to Urgent Care. Hewitt was absolutely fine (no crying) until we walked in the door. He screamed the entire time we were there (walking down the hall, waiting for the nurse, waiting for the doctor, etc.). The doctor tried to explain the entire procedure to Hewitt and kept reiterating that "holding completely still will make things go a lot easier." My brother and I were finally able to convince the doctor that reasoning may not be very effective with this particular child, and that we were probably better off just holding him down and getting it over with as soon as possible. Besides my almost fainting (had to get on my knees a couple of times), Hewitt wetting his pants (to his defense, he did warn us that he had to go), and one stitch that had to be re-stitched, everything went as good as can be expected. I'm never prepared to hear a child scream such things as , "Mom, help me, I'm scared!" These moments are dreadful and sad. I would always rather be sick or hurt than one of my kids. About halfway through the procedure, I had the thought to start counting and that seemed to calm Hewitt down and distract him some. We counted to 100 and he said, "I want to count again, and count faster!"

I was glad that I dragged my brother along for the support. While there I had a flashback of falling off of our swing set when I was three; Mark carried me up our back stairs and inside to my mom and I ended up with eight stitches of my own. I also remember screaming and crying at the hospital and wishing my mom could make all the nurses and doctors go away.

It took Hewitt about an hour to be his happy self again (as is consistent with his personality; it usually takes him about an hour to cool off after getting really upset). Grandma provided his favorite ice cream (and my brother's and my favorite fried chicken for lunch) and sure enough, Hewitt's cute and devilish smile has returned...