Beyond saltine crackers

I thought I'd take a minute or two to give a little update on my life lately. I haven't gotten on a computer for over two weeks and it has been strange and kind of lonely. I'm writing this from my bed on Rob's laptop. Be warned that this post is fairly personal and certainly not what I would normally choose to post about. Also, please believe that I don't write this to request any sympathy, help, or anything like that...I just sort of feel like I have dropped off the face of the earth and know that some of you would like to know what has been going on here. So here goes:


Well, I have not been able to keep any food down for about 13 days now--including fluids. After going in to get IV fluids last Thursday, Friday and again on Monday, they decided to put a PICC line in my arm (a catheter that goes from my arm into the vein just above my heart). I was really nervous about this procedure and tried to avoid it as long as possible, but was assured that it was safer than getting stuck repeatedly for IVs. I got the PICC line done at the hospital last Thursday and a nurse came to my home that evening to teach me how to give myself medication and IVs directly through this line, enabling me to treat myself at home on a daily basis. Obviously the IV fluids are helping to keep me hydrated, although I am still struggling to keep anything down (sips of Gatorade, ice chips, Popsicles, etc.) . I have lost the desire to eat and the thought of food is pretty disgusting in general (even ice cream, can you believe it?) My body is exhausted and my neck, throat, stomach, etc. are so sore from vomiting regularly. I'm starting to find a little blood in my vomit which I'm told is normal given the circumstances...but hopefully things will improve sooner than later.


I am very grateful that this trial, although certainly the greatest physical challenge of my life, is only temporary (obviously others I know of are dealing with much greater challenges and my heart goes out to them). This situation has also been very challenging for me emotionally because I am not able to care for my other children (I miss them so much!) and this is the worst feeling as a mother! I have really had to rely on the mercy of my husband, parents, friends, and neighbors for help with just about everything right now. I am so blessed to have such an incredible support system and really have so much to be thankful for (and I do think of these blessings when I'm not thinking about how I feel like I am dying, ha ha!).


To add to my stress (and mental drama), my husband who never really has to travel for work is flying to Costa Rica tonight and will be there until the 31st. This trip has been freaking me out from the second I learned about it. I'm not the most independent person to begin with and I feel like I need Rob now more than ever... Gratefully, my mother (a Saint) is willing to come and stay here and take care of my children, my house, and me while Rob is away. Thanks in advance, Mom! As my mom said to me earlier this week, we all need help at one point or another and I will have a lifetime ahead of me of serving others and trying to repay all of the help that I have received (if that's possible). I obviously have no idea of what to expect in the coming weeks, but I'm hoping for the best and trying to stay positive. Thanks for reading.