Pete Pages

Sunday, June 22, 2008

Parenting with bribes and rewards

When Rob was in grad school he studied a book for one of his MBA classes called, "Punished by Rewards" by Alfie Kohn.

We really liked and agreed with the concepts in the book, and had lengthy discussions about how rewards can end up "punishing" children because in the end the child will focus on the reward instead of learning whatever it is you want them to learn. Now, at this time in our lives we had one young toddler and were idealistic about our parenting styles and thought that we would never stoop to bribery and other such practices...

Fast forward four years. As I've mentioned in a previous post, we have recently been potty training our three-year-old. As a reward, we have let him choose a little Hershey's kiss (or similar small chocolate or prize) after he goes to the bathroom. This has worked out great to be honest, and we are about to phase this out as it really isn't needed anymore. Burke has felt a little left out of these "rewards" and doesn't understand why he doesn't get a chocolate for going to the bathroom (the boy gets plenty of treats so don't think that he is completely neglected). I've explained to Burke that Hewitt is rewarded because he is doing something that is challenging for him. This gave me an idea for Burke: to reward him for reading chapter books. Burke is a really great reader but has been intimidated by the size of chapter books. Although we would love for him to discover the joy of reading silently without any other reward besides the feeling of accomplishment and enjoying the story, we asked him to suggest a reward for completing chapter books that he reads on his own. He came up with the following:

Suggestion #1: Buy him his own mansion and limousine. (Denied.)
Suggestion #2: Let him live in Disneyland. (Denied.)
Suggestion #3: Decorate our house on the outside to look like a real haunted house. (Denied.)
Suggestion #4: Give him a "free dollar" for each chapter book read. Agreed.

Are we bad parents because we bribe and reward our children from time to time? I sure hope not...and I have a feeling we aren't alone.

Friday, June 20, 2008

Crafty craze

For the past year I've been enjoying a newfound hobby: making jewelry. I'm still a novice, but it's been fun to experiment with different beads and designs, and add new accessories to my collection for much cheaper than what I could buy at a store. My designs are extremely simple and I generally find myself doing "last minute" projects like making a pair of earrings about 30 min. before church starts to match what I'm wearing (what can I say? I am a born procrastinator). Well, last night I was looking for a new project and thought I might play around with a watch that I got about a year ago. I liked the simple face of the watch, but wasn't terribly fond of the silver band it came with. After spending about an hour trying to remove the metal band, I decided to use some beads that I bought last fall at a Gem Fair that I've never quite decided what to do with. I put the two together and I'm pretty happy with the results. I'm excited to be wearing a watch again...It'll give Burke a break from running in the other room to check the clock for me about 10 times a day.

Saturday, June 14, 2008

Choosing battles and winning them

As a parent, I relish in those rare and magical transformations. Like when the baby begins to sleep through the night (note that for my first two babies, this seemed to finally happen in their toddler years), or when a child begins to read and you are able to watch the world open up to them. Such changes are exciting and make the road getting there seem worthwhile. Take my past week for example...now, at this risk of embarrassing my child, I won't mention any names, but I'll give you a hint that it had something to do with this:

I strongly believe that it is important for a parent to "choose their battles" as they say and choose them wisely. The truth of the matter is that I've been choosing "other" battles with my spirited, feisty, strong-willed (these are all nice words for stubborn) boy. Over the past year we have spent countless hours sitting in the bathroom. Him on the toilet, complaining and crying to get off, and me sitting on the hard, cold tile pleading, begging and reading book after book to him hoping to encourage cooperation. Now I know that potty-training is different for each child and while it is something I've done once before I am by no means claiming to be an expert. I dread this task and promise you that you'll never see me writing a book about potty training... I'll leave that to all you mothers out there who had your kids potty-trained before their second birthday--and it sure feels like this includes all of the women I happen to know.

Well, in getting back to my story, I decided that this was the week to choose potty training as our battle. It was a LONG blog-less week and by Thursday my nerves were fried and I was tired of doing load after load of wet undies and cleaning up messes (or rather helping my son to clean up after his own messes...and wouldn't you know that he loved cleaning the carpet, wiping down chairs and starting the washing machine). At one point on Thurs. afternoon we hit an all-time low when I realized that my little angel had locked me out of the house (both front door and garage door) and was standing buck naked in our front window. The kid had absolutely won, but I wasn't about to let him think that, so I pulled the stroller out of the garage and started pushing the baby around the cul-de-sac to send the message of "see what fun we are having out here." He eventually unlocked the door and I was able to resist the urge to yell and I just went into the other room as if all was fine. Within a few minutes I heard him call, "Mommy, I did it!" Sure enough, he had taken the initiative to enter the bathroom on his own and it was a success! Friday and today have been like a dream--not one accident or issue. He even came to me while playing at a park on Friday to tell me that he had to go potty and we were able to make it in time. Now, this is a welcome and glorious transformation: turning potty woes into potty woo-hoos! Yes! Now onto the battle of keeping toys off of my kitchen table...

Sunday, June 8, 2008

Better late than never

The good news is that I got a really good night's sleep last night.

The bad news is that this is because my alarm(s) did not go off this morning and I woke up two hours later than planned. Maybe it's time to upgrade from the sweet clock/radio/alarm that I've had at my bedside since the mid '80s. My most dependable alarms (my three kids) all slept past 8:00am today. Interesting that this would all occur on the one day of the week that we are all supposed to be somewhere (let alone dressed in church clothes) by 9:00am. Oh well, I can't lie...it was really nice to sleep in.

Thursday, June 5, 2008

Recent Discoveries

Just a few things I've realized in the last 24 hours...

1. A room darkening shade may not (and probably won't) help the baby sleep past 6am--bummer.
2. Tosh can not climb out of our portable highchair (the kind that straps onto a kitchen chair)...and surprise, he is suddenly eating more now that he can't escape.
3. Tosh LOVES cantaloupe.
4. It just dawned on me last night that we could change Tosh's car seat from rear to forward facing now that he is 12 months and 20 pounds. We went for a little drive to test it out and everyone was excited.
5. If I ask Tosh to "go get your shoes" he will walk over, pick them up and bring them to me to put on.
6. It's a good idea to have extra 9-volt batteries on hand just in case the smoke alarm starts to chirp at 4:00am...especially when the chirping comes from a child's bedroom and wakes the child up (we were lucky that Hewitt fell back asleep).
7. There must be some connection between the rain and my allergies. I've noticed that my sinuses have really bothered me on the last several rainy days we've had and I also can't stop sneezing...this seems strange to me as I would think that the rain would clear out the air and make things better (any ideas on this?).
8. Getting up early to exercise and get ready (hey, I'm already up by 6am anyway) really does help me get more done in a day.
9. Running on my treadmill seems a lot harder than it used to...
10. Listening to Burke and Hewitt hum songs in unison while playing with toys together is a delight.

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Pleasant Surprises

Today was a great day. It started off with breakfast in bed which included a blueberry doughnut (one of my faves) and fresh strawberries. The boys were very helpful with chores this morning and played together nicely. Rob went in to work late so he could take Hewitt to a Dentist appointment--meanwhile I was able to take a nice long shower and then actually take the time to style my hair for once. I had yummy brunch at my neighbor's with some of my dear friends. My parents brought lunch over to my home and my Dad installed a room darkening shade over Tosh's window (this boy is up at the crack of dawn which is before 6am these days). My parents then watched my kids so I could go get a wonderful hour-long massage (why have I waited 33 years to do this?). And finally, when I was planning on dinner at home followed by Rob leaving for a Bishopric meeting, he surprised me by getting a babysitter (thanks, Sue!), taking me out to dinner and going clothes shopping! It certainly was a happy birthday to me.

Sunday, June 1, 2008

Thanks, Martha

While Rob worked in our yard yesterday, I spent more time than I would like to admit in the kitchen making a cake for Tosh's birthday. A had a few minor set backs, but was fairly pleased with the end result:

This monkey cake was inspired by the following:

and

And finally, time to eat! Tosh in action:

At this point Tosh squeals with delight and then decides that he's had enough and climbs out of his highchair...
Happy Birthday, Monkey!

Pete said...

Hewitt was just telling me about a new game he created where you can't touch the ball with your hands or feet. He said, "You can only hit the ball with your leg or foot-wrist." And so I clarified, "You mean your ankle?"
(10/8/09)

Me to Hewitt: Whatcha doin?
Hewitt: Arting. It's making art.
(10/2/09; Hewitt's 5th b-day)

Two jokes by Burke:
What does a storm wear?
Thunderwear!

What do you call King Kong's feet?
Big Foot!
(9/26/09)

I had the following conversation with Tosh:
Me: Are you a boy or a girl?
T: Boy
Me: Is Livvy a boy or a girl?
T: Baby
Me: Yes, but is Baby Liv a boy or a girl?
T: Girl
Me: Is Daddy a boy or a girl?
T: Big boy
Me: Is Mommy a boy or a girl?
T: Mommy a babe!
(Not prompted, I promise! 9/3/09)

Hewitt had set up a bunch of toy figures and Tosh was trying to play with them... Hewitt was telling Tosh not to touch them and I asked him to share the toys or to go and get some more figures for Tosh to play with. Hewitt said, "These are not toys! They are art!" (9/3/09)

We were driving along a road near our house (a rather quiet highway, really) and Hewitt suddenly exclaimed, "Mom! I just found the road to our old house! Keep driving straight!" I looked up and realized there were some big mountains in the FAR distance. Hewitt clearly thought he was staring at Utah. (8/28/09)

Hewitt brought home a little "Groundhog's Day" craft that he had made at preschool and kept calling the groundhog a bear. When I tried to tell him it was really a groundhog he looked at me like I was very silly and said, "It's a BEAR Mom, not a CORNDOG!" (2/2/09)

I explained to Burke about the recent airplane crash into the Hudson River and knowing that he would be very concerned, I quickly told him that all of the passengers were just fine. He looked at me with a worried look and said, "What about the birds? Are they okay?" (1/15/09)

I have a trunk full of old performing costumes from when I was a kid. Hewitt saw the trunk in the basement and told Rob that he wanted to open up the "treasure chest." Rob asked him if he knew what was in the trunk/chest and Hewitt replied that it was full of clothes. When Rob told Hewitt that he didn't want him to make a big mess Hewitt said, "I won't make a mess, I will just get out one clo." I guess that "clo" would be the singular form of clothes... (1/13/09)

Burke is always mentioning how he wants us to have lots more babies because he wants "hundreds" of brothers and sisters. I was explaining to him this morning about how it gets harder and more dangerous to have babies as a woman gets older...he looked at me and said, "Well, you look young Mom, like 19!" Then he leaned in closer and said, "Well, I do see some indents in your skin around your eyes (those would be wrinkles--thanks for noticing)." (12/26/08)

Hewitt blew his nose and must have accidentally gotten some snot or tissue in his mouth because he said, "Yuck! That tastes like cow dung!" (12/24/08)

Tosh got to Hewitt's cup of water at the table today and dumped it all over Hewitt's lap and onto the floor. Rob asked Hewitt, "Are you a little wet?" and he said, "I'm a BIG wet!" (12/24/08)

Rob was playing "Memory" with the boys and when Burke got a few matches in a row Hewitt said, "Wow Burkie, you're on fire!" (11/08)

We just bought some sod for our park strip and while Burke and I were looking at the pallet, I mentioned that some of the pieces looked like crabgrass and that we needed to find the best pieces of grass to buy. Burke looked at the sod for a little while and said, "None of it looks like crap grass to me!"

While I was flossing Burke's teeth he said, "Wait--I need to tell you something." I paused flossing and he said, "You sure know how to be a good mom!" (now there's a treasured compliment!)

Hewitt watched Rob kill a fly in our kitchen and then asked, "Did he cry? Did he want his mommy fly?"

I told Hewitt that I was going to get Tosh a snack and asked if he would like one. He paused and then said, "I'll take a milkshake." What am I, a drive-up window?

Hewitt was asking for toast today and when I pulled out the bread he said, "No, the 'letter O' toast!" I finally figured out that he wanted a toasted english muffin.

Burke came down for breakfast and said, "Mom, it might not look like my bed is made and you might not like it, but it's really stripes that I did as a design on my bed."

Hewitt has really liked eating plain tortillas lately. When I asked him if he wanted one he said, "Oh. Sure. I'll have a mamma mia."

Hewitt understands things very literally. When Rob told him that he "needed to fly" this morning (go to work), Hewitt asked, "Where is the fly? In the house?" When Rob asked him if he had a runny nose he said, "No. It's just boogers."

When Rob was leaving for work he hugged the boys and told them to "be good for Mommy and do exactly what she says." Burke said, "OK bye Dad, you be good at work and do exactly what your boss says."

We were discussing prophets in the scriptures for Family Home Evening and when Rob asked Burke which prophet(s) wrote the Book of Mormon Burke said, "Nephi, Jacob, Enos..." and continued to name the books in order. Rob and I were pretty surprised and couldn't help laughing.

I was just eavesdropping on Hewitt while he was playing with his toys and heard him say, "Ladies and jumpingmen..."

Burke was heading off to a neighbor's house to play and stuck his head back in the door and called, "I'll be traveling by bike."

When the garage door opens for us to drive in, Hewitt will pretend to be scared and say, "Oh no, it's the garage mouth! He's going to eat us!"

Hewitt got distracted and starting playing with his toys during lunch and when I reminded him to please keep eating he said, "But Mommy, I'm working."