Pete Pages: Mid-life musings

Friday, December 4, 2009

Mid-life musings

My Rob turned 35 last week. Still young by most standards - yes, but as a kid I remember thinking that 35 was officially "old." I am only 6 months younger than Rob, so every year I have the six months between our birthdays to get used to the coming age. Surprisingly this "35" mark has been especially thought provoking for me. I mean, although 35 doesn't exactly mean mid-life anymore (most people live well past 70 these days), I am feeling like I have reached the point in my life where I am past my prime physically. And I admit, it's sort of sad in a way.

The much younger me:

Aging is a strange thing. I believe with all of my heart that God's plan for His children is perfect. I think in His wisdom he intended for us to focus on the more important things as we age...the things that are honest and true, and really mean more to put it simply. There is a reason why the physical beauty of youth is intended to fade. Through this process, the focus on outward beauty shifts inward. Infatuation is trumped by a more selfless, unconditional love, and even impulse, risk and thrill-seeking endeavors are often replaced by serenity, consistency and peace.
Aging and wisdom should go hand in hand, but don't always. I think it is really hard in today's age not to buy into the world's idea of beauty to some degree. Don't we all own some sort of face lotion/eye cream to not only keep our skin healthy, but looking as young as possible as well?

Two examples from the media got me thinking this week and I believe they are both relevant to this topic.

1. The Biggest Loser: A wife of one the contestants (Danny) worries that things will change in their marriage as her husband loses dramatic weight. Will he leave her for someone better looking and let's face it, skinny?

2. Tiger (Cheetah) Woods: Rumor has it he started having affairs when his wife was seven months pregnant. Now, that is just wrong on so many levels.

These examples may be extreme cases, but I have to admit to feeling some frustration over my aging and increasingly aching body. Rob and I had a big discussion about this the other night and I admitted something to him,

"I'm sort of glad you are balding. It makes me feel better about my body and the weight I've gained."

Neither one of us is the person we married. And to be honest, I'm glad. We are better people now, even if we don't look quite the same. It's sort of wonderful and like magic that I love him more and more all the time. I'm lucky that he feels the same way.

So here in my 35th year, instead of freaking out that I'm no longer young and cute, I am going to try to focus more on wiser things, and not about the things I can't control. In addition:

I am going to try not to worry so much about the new wrinkles on my forehead/face. They are mostly hidden by my bangs anyway (A ha! The real reason for the haircut).

I am going to embrace my slowing metabolism and be grateful for the opportunity to learn the value of hard work and persistence that is exercise and eating healthy.

Then there's the gray hair. I can't think of any benefit here... maybe an excuse to get out of the house to get my hair done once in a while? (I actually would really like to be white/silver some day. It looks so distinguished I think, but not while I have a baby for Pete's sake!)

And finally, I am going to take my sore back, neck, and knees as a (not always gentle) reminder to slow down and enjoy the ride!

8 comments:

The Laundry Queen said...: Thanks for the reminder, Tams. But I still think I'd lift and tuck a little if I had the chance-- it's nice to feel sexy for yourself and your spouse, too. ; ); December 4, 2009 at 9:58 PM
The Grant Family said...: Great post. You said it well :); December 4, 2009 at 10:09 PM
Perschon Family said...: I loved this post! So true!!!; December 4, 2009 at 11:06 PM
Andi said...: Loved this post. My good friend always says that she thinks many woman get more beautiful as they age, even with all the signs of aging. In many ways I agree. Many of the women I see who fight it too much look like they are fake and trying too hard. I have several older women in my ward with beautiful silver hair, a few wrinkles, and they are stunning. They both dress classy and I think that makes a big difference. Note to self: learn to dress classy.

I'm thinking I should wish Tate will bald, or gain weight, or something!; December 5, 2009 at 8:24 AM
rachel said...: I think you're more beautiful today than the day I met you. And I think the experience and love gained through years are worth so much more than supple skin and skinny bodies! ;)

PS NO reason for gray hair. No benefit at all. I'd be white if I let it grow out. No way, no how!; December 5, 2009 at 8:28 AM
Colleen said...: With my birthday days away, this was a wonderful post to read! I agree with every word, although I do have an eye cream I love to smooth out those wrinkles :)!; December 5, 2009 at 8:05 PM
Tamsen said...: Thanks ladies! Andi's comment about the "older" women "dressing classy" reminded me of something that I meant to mention in my post: Wouldn't you agree that beauty (or even feeling "sexy") has more to do with confidence than anything else? A flattering outfit that you feel comfortable in can really go a long way.; December 5, 2009 at 11:42 PM
Michelle said...: What a great post Tamsen. Thank you. I think that as people age and hopefully grow wiser, their own glow of being happy with who they are is so refreshing and beautiful. I guess it is like you said: self-confidence.; December 6, 2009 at 10:47 PM

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Pete said...

Hewitt was just telling me about a new game he created where you can't touch the ball with your hands or feet. He said, "You can only hit the ball with your leg or foot-wrist." And so I clarified, "You mean your ankle?"
(10/8/09)

Me to Hewitt: Whatcha doin?
Hewitt: Arting. It's making art.
(10/2/09; Hewitt's 5th b-day)

Two jokes by Burke:
What does a storm wear?
Thunderwear!

What do you call King Kong's feet?
Big Foot!
(9/26/09)

I had the following conversation with Tosh:
Me: Are you a boy or a girl?
T: Boy
Me: Is Livvy a boy or a girl?
T: Baby
Me: Yes, but is Baby Liv a boy or a girl?
T: Girl
Me: Is Daddy a boy or a girl?
T: Big boy
Me: Is Mommy a boy or a girl?
T: Mommy a babe!
(Not prompted, I promise! 9/3/09)

Hewitt had set up a bunch of toy figures and Tosh was trying to play with them... Hewitt was telling Tosh not to touch them and I asked him to share the toys or to go and get some more figures for Tosh to play with. Hewitt said, "These are not toys! They are art!" (9/3/09)

We were driving along a road near our house (a rather quiet highway, really) and Hewitt suddenly exclaimed, "Mom! I just found the road to our old house! Keep driving straight!" I looked up and realized there were some big mountains in the FAR distance. Hewitt clearly thought he was staring at Utah. (8/28/09)

Hewitt brought home a little "Groundhog's Day" craft that he had made at preschool and kept calling the groundhog a bear. When I tried to tell him it was really a groundhog he looked at me like I was very silly and said, "It's a BEAR Mom, not a CORNDOG!" (2/2/09)

I explained to Burke about the recent airplane crash into the Hudson River and knowing that he would be very concerned, I quickly told him that all of the passengers were just fine. He looked at me with a worried look and said, "What about the birds? Are they okay?" (1/15/09)

I have a trunk full of old performing costumes from when I was a kid. Hewitt saw the trunk in the basement and told Rob that he wanted to open up the "treasure chest." Rob asked him if he knew what was in the trunk/chest and Hewitt replied that it was full of clothes. When Rob told Hewitt that he didn't want him to make a big mess Hewitt said, "I won't make a mess, I will just get out one clo." I guess that "clo" would be the singular form of clothes... (1/13/09)

Burke is always mentioning how he wants us to have lots more babies because he wants "hundreds" of brothers and sisters. I was explaining to him this morning about how it gets harder and more dangerous to have babies as a woman gets older...he looked at me and said, "Well, you look young Mom, like 19!" Then he leaned in closer and said, "Well, I do see some indents in your skin around your eyes (those would be wrinkles--thanks for noticing)." (12/26/08)

Hewitt blew his nose and must have accidentally gotten some snot or tissue in his mouth because he said, "Yuck! That tastes like cow dung!" (12/24/08)

Tosh got to Hewitt's cup of water at the table today and dumped it all over Hewitt's lap and onto the floor. Rob asked Hewitt, "Are you a little wet?" and he said, "I'm a BIG wet!" (12/24/08)

Rob was playing "Memory" with the boys and when Burke got a few matches in a row Hewitt said, "Wow Burkie, you're on fire!" (11/08)

We just bought some sod for our park strip and while Burke and I were looking at the pallet, I mentioned that some of the pieces looked like crabgrass and that we needed to find the best pieces of grass to buy. Burke looked at the sod for a little while and said, "None of it looks like crap grass to me!"

While I was flossing Burke's teeth he said, "Wait--I need to tell you something." I paused flossing and he said, "You sure know how to be a good mom!" (now there's a treasured compliment!)

Hewitt watched Rob kill a fly in our kitchen and then asked, "Did he cry? Did he want his mommy fly?"

I told Hewitt that I was going to get Tosh a snack and asked if he would like one. He paused and then said, "I'll take a milkshake." What am I, a drive-up window?

Hewitt was asking for toast today and when I pulled out the bread he said, "No, the 'letter O' toast!" I finally figured out that he wanted a toasted english muffin.

Burke came down for breakfast and said, "Mom, it might not look like my bed is made and you might not like it, but it's really stripes that I did as a design on my bed."

Hewitt has really liked eating plain tortillas lately. When I asked him if he wanted one he said, "Oh. Sure. I'll have a mamma mia."

Hewitt understands things very literally. When Rob told him that he "needed to fly" this morning (go to work), Hewitt asked, "Where is the fly? In the house?" When Rob asked him if he had a runny nose he said, "No. It's just boogers."

When Rob was leaving for work he hugged the boys and told them to "be good for Mommy and do exactly what she says." Burke said, "OK bye Dad, you be good at work and do exactly what your boss says."

We were discussing prophets in the scriptures for Family Home Evening and when Rob asked Burke which prophet(s) wrote the Book of Mormon Burke said, "Nephi, Jacob, Enos..." and continued to name the books in order. Rob and I were pretty surprised and couldn't help laughing.

I was just eavesdropping on Hewitt while he was playing with his toys and heard him say, "Ladies and jumpingmen..."

Burke was heading off to a neighbor's house to play and stuck his head back in the door and called, "I'll be traveling by bike."

When the garage door opens for us to drive in, Hewitt will pretend to be scared and say, "Oh no, it's the garage mouth! He's going to eat us!"

Hewitt got distracted and starting playing with his toys during lunch and when I reminded him to please keep eating he said, "But Mommy, I'm working."

Pete Pages

Friday, December 4, 2009

Mid-life musings

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